He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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