I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
