i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
