she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
