Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
