are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
