i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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