i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
