There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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