He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
