I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
