4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
