I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
