Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
