I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wish there were birth control emojis
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
