What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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