very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
