yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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