as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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