I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
