I must be too annoying 4 u.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
