Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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