Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
