hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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