well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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