you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
