the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
