i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
