So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
