Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
