Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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