proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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