the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
