he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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