While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
