Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
