I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
