i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
