yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
