I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm passing your future prison.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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