Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
