she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
