I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
