she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
