12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dick very happy bro
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