that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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