If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
