Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
