Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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