The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
