He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We smell like vodka and hangover
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