I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
