Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
