You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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