Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
