mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
